Her Second VBAC.

It was August 16th. He was due August 5th. The week before I had a membrane sweep I was about 4cm, very stretchy and thinned about 75% effaced. I had so many start and stop contractions that week it became very frustrating feeling on the brink of active labor for so long. I was losing mucous plug for days and feeling so many strong contractions here and there I knew it may come quickly when it did! It was the morning of 41+5. I woke up around 4am feeling an upset stomach and lots of cramping like I had before. I wasn’t convinced at this point as it was nothing new. I got up to use the restroom and saw a significant amount more of bloody show. I laid back down and attempted to rest but I had a couple really uncomfortable contractions (still spaced 10/15 minutes apart from each other) so I decided to get up around 4:30. I texted my photographer (as she was an hour away I was more concerned with her getting here then the midwives ) that I may be giving her a call if these continued, but if she happened to see the text I still wasn’t convinced this was it yet!

She replied right away to keep her updated. But sure enough within the next 10-15 minutes the contractions came stronger and closer to the point there was no more questioning this was it! I called everyone else (midwives and my mom) and woke up my sleeping husband by 5am. I began laboring and setting the scene as I envisioned. Turned on my twinkle lights, played my labor playlist, put on my most comfortable bra and tshirt, held my wooden labor comb, turned on my fan, and settled in. Riley showered and ate some food then began to set up the birth tub so it would be ready when I needed it. I was doing well on my own and didn’t feel I needed him for physical support yet so it was better to get the tub out of the way and ready. The midwives (Louisa and Jen) showed up about 45 minutes later (close to 6 ish) and I was standing in the kitchen with my mini fan right in my face. It was still a rather warm morning and I was starting to warm up too My contractions were every 2-4 minutes lasting about 90 seconds each time.

They got set up and started monitoring where I was at and how I was doing. I was starting to feel the contractions in my back a little so she had me move to my knees leaning over our recliner. I had a friend who had given me a tens unit to borrow and I asked if Louisa could put it on for me. I wasn’t 100% on how to use it but she was familiar enough and we got it on and going! And OH MY. It helped me so much. It took the sharp edge off any contraction sensation in my back and made them totally doable. I didn’t need any hip squeezes with it on. Which I’m sure Riley appreciated My photographer came during that time and I never even noticed until Louisa pointed her out to me! My mother was also there cleaning up a bit and watching for the boys to wake up. Once they did I got to give Elijah (my oldest) a hug and she hung out with them upstairs until baby was born. I settled into a rhythm for the next hour or so in that position on my knees, with my comb and cold wash cloth, and turning up the tens unit every once in a while as things increased in intensity. I cannot emphasize how much it helped. Around 7am ish I had to pee. Which meant moving to the toilet which is such an intense place to be. After I finished up there Louisa asked me if I wanted to get in the water. I was worried about getting in too early as I didn’t want to get in and out and have it slow my labor down. It would also mean I’d have to take off the tens unit, which was currently working really well for me. So we decided to do a cervical check to see where I was at and then decide if I was ready for the water. I was at 7cm and paper thin 100% effaced. A 7 to me sounded like I had a lot more work to do. As In the past I still had many many more hours after a seven. I felt slightly discouraged envisioning being in labor for at least 3-4 more hours.. but my midwife encouraged me that she was very confident in my pattern and to use the water if that’s what I wanted. And boy did I! So I got in. Things picked up pretty much right away. It was probably close to 7:15 now and little did I know he’d be born in about an hour. Still convinced I wasn’t close I took them one at a time

My midwife and Riley took turns with me and speaking sweet nothings into my ear. Making the occasional joke and making me feel so loved and safe. I gripped my comb (which really did help) and held a cold wash cloth to my chest/face and it was so soothing. I had my worship music on blast and sang on occasion. Close to 8:00am my bag of water was in the back of my mind. With my first VBAC I had a bulging bag of water that really held me up for a while. I came out of a contraction and asked mine to be broken.

I didn’t even know if I had a bulging bag (I didn’t) but I knew I wanted to not be worried about it. She broke it, but as there was no water in front of his head it didn’t feel like much. She told me my cervix was barely there and to trust my body these next few surges for an urge to push. I literally still didn’t believe I was that close. I still thought I had forever. I remember having a rather longer break (nothing crazy, like maybe 6 minutes) between my next contraction and wondered if this was my rest before pushing. On my next one Louisa encouraged me to give a little push and see what it felt like. I felt a little pressure at the peak but knew I wasn’t quite there yet. In the next one I had an overwhelming dry heave into the emesis bag and felt instantly a gush of water and baby move down. I knew my cervix was gone at that point. Sure enough the next contraction I was pushing!

I was so so so grateful this was almost done. I felt his head in my hand in one good push. I was up on my knees. His crowning however was slower. A good two or three contractions. It was the most intense 5 minutes. He was being born into my hand and I held onto Jen for every fiber of support when I wanted to fly out of my body. His head was finally born and I asked to recline so I could catch him in the water, which is what I wanted! Unfortunately though he started to turtle back a little and seemed to be stuck on his shoulder a bit. They moved me quickly out of the tub into a runners lunge on the ground. I prayed aloud “Jesus help my baby come out” I wasn’t afraid and felt calm. I knew he would come, and we were just fine. I felt Louisa adjust his body and I felt him come free. Best relief of my life. She passed him directly to me under my leg. He was bright pink and screaming his little lungs out. Best sight and sound there ever could be. I immediately told Riley to go get the boys and they came down to meet him before I had even moved or my placenta was born. Absolutely precious few minutes. I went to the bed for the placenta. Had a little active bleeding so I got a shot of Pitocin in the leg but did great after that. We laid in our bed dreamily snuggling our newborn. He latched beautifully and did so well. He was 9lbs and 22inches. I didn’t get a single tear or scratch and recovery was so smooth. It was by far the best labor and birth experience and I am so thankful we have photos of it I felt so trusted and safe through the entire experience. Birth is never easy but this is the first time I didn’t have some sort of trauma processing afterward. Elijah was long and ended in a cesarean without Riley there. Jude’s was just long and hard and while I was so proud of my VBAC I still dealt with a lot of fear and exhaustion after such a long active labor phase. This time- while still hard all I felt was pure confidence from the people around me, and to experience such a smooth labor experience was so healing to me. My body can in fact do this, and do this well.

A home birth story in her own words.

February 26th, 2023 at 3:21am, 40 weeks pregnant on our guess date my waters spontaneously opened with a small gush. I gently made my way to the toilet to confirm what I already knew. My baby was coming sometime soon, on their own time just as I have trusted through this entire pregnancy. I was officially the most pregnant I’ve ever been and understating our new lineage to pass down to the next generation. I returned to bed with my beloved husband, Dan, and let him know that we would be meeting our baby sometime today and that we should continue to rest

Once my waters opened I had a huge hormonal shift and what I assume was an adrenaline surge because my entire body started shaking. I tried to relax and allow my body to come back down to baseline. It was so hard but I did not fight it. I called my birth photographer, Tiarra, to let her know that my waters were open and to gauge how she wanted to support. We had an in person meeting at 37 weeks and discussed that she would likely come to our home at any sign of labor since my last baby was a precipitous birth, born in under 2 hours from the first sensation. 

She arrived and we all rested and waited. This rest period was so enjoyable as I was able to check in with my body and my baby and gather myself mentally to prepare for this ceremony. I had not been feeling much movement from my baby so I consciously decided to listen to their heart tones. I found them right away, super low and on the right side like they had been for the past few weeks. I knew my baby was head down and very low in my birth canal, I could feel my baby’s head for months just on the other side of my soft and ripening cervix. 

Around 7:45am our 3 year old son woke up and made his way to our bed just like he does every morning. We laid in bed and cuddled and savored this sacred time. We told him that the baby was coming today and that he would be a big brother, again. I had spent my entire pregnancy preparing him for what he may witness in this birth. We watched countless birth videos, placenta births, looked at photos, and I even made “mock birth noises” to ensure him that “mama will be okay.” 

I had a traditional hospital birth with my first son 13 years ago with classic interventions and all scare tactics and fear mongering. I did birth him vaginally with an epidural while on Pitocin with all my family and friends in the room as my male OB coached me to “hold my breath, curl around my baby, and push” while on my back with my feet in stirrups. For 10 years I didn’t see anything wrong with my first birth, until I did. 

Free Birth came to me in early 2019, newly pregnant with my second baby. He was consciously called in and came to us in just two cycles. I stumbled upon undisturbed, physiological birth and took a soul dive into it. I knew this was something we as birthing women could do, but “could I ever do this?” I went on to have my second and third baby under the medical model of care, each time becoming more of an advocate for what I did and didn’t want in my birth process. This was ten and twelve years after my first birth so my desires were far different and my understanding of birth was on a whole new realm. 

Baby number two: unmediated in the hospital, thirteen hours of labor, saline lock, fetal heart monitors, people telling me to “push,” managed third stage, etc. Baby number three: unmedicated, barely made it to the hospital, declined all interventions, pushed when my body and my baby were ready, physiological third stage, kept baby attached to her placenta and had more autonomy over our desires. But still, something was missing. 

After baby number three was earth side we decided that our family was complete, however I could feel a little soul with me. I shared my heart and my thoughts with my husband and he came around to the idea of having one more baby; if we were to be so blessed. We started to consciously call in our final baby. We conceived on the first cycle and sadly we lost that baby very early on. We conceived again the very next cycle and I truly couldn’t believe it. This little soul was ready and waiting to come through, they wasted no time making it known that they were meant do be with us. I knew I was pregnant for ten days before sharing the news with my beloved. It was my little secret, I was the only person in this whole universe that knew and I felt very protective. This pregnancy would be full of healing and closing generational pain cycles. I knew I was to Free Birth this baby and I intended to give this gift to myself, my baby and my family. 

We rested and trusted as the clock ticked by knowing that our baby would join us earth side in due time. I sent a text to my birth photographer and asked her to come up and capture some photos of us in bed. Before long my mother was awake and checking in with us followed by our sixteen month old baby girl. Our baby girl joined us in bed and my mother respectfully gave us space to savor the moment. We decided it was time to move about and began setting us the bed and birth space before heading downstairs to get breakfast started for everyone. As I was getting my young children dressed I felt a wave that I had to stop and work through. I closed my eyes, focused on my breathing and swayed my hips. It was starting. Five minutes later, another wave rolled through me. I leaned on the bed, closed my eyes, and focused on my breathing while my baby girl stood between my legs. 

Three minutes later a wave so powerful sent a sensation through my soul and as I leaned into my bed once again I softly spoke out “ohhhh, this one is different.” 

A cold sweat hit my top lip and under my breasts. 

My 3 year old son could see the shift and wanted to be close to me, he was worried and wanted his mama. The wave continued I could just barely reassure him through broken words that “it’s okay baby, mommy is okay.” I had a quick break and instinctually moved to the floor and embraced my son once more before sending everyone downstairs. Things have definitely shifted and needed space to focus. It was just me and my photographer at this point and my baby was coming. 

I reached down to check in with my vulva and to see where my baby was. I felt something but at the time I thought it was still my cervix and I couldn’t make sense of it. Again, I trusted and turned in. I asked Tiarra to go get my husband because things seemed to be moving so fast. She left the room and I once again touched my vulva and could now understand that I was feeling my baby’s head, not my cervix. They both came rushing into the room and joined me on the floor. I whispered to my husband “I want you close” and he leaned into me and put his hands on my hips. I told them that I thought I was feeling my cervix but that it’s actually the baby. 

I breathed downs and FER (Fetal Ejection Reflex) kicked in and my baby made their way down. I whispered again “the baby is coming” and it was that moment that they both realized that the baby was really coming. 

I kept my hand on my baby’s head the whole time and let my body do the work. 

Baby’s head was born and again I whispered to my husband “catch our baby” and with one more surge our baby’s body was born. 8:53am our baby is earth side. Right away they let out the most beautiful cry and my husband passed our baby through my legs and I brought them to my chest. My voice is trembling, my heart racing, I couldn’t even believe what had just happened. My baby is in my arms, they are here. How? That was so fast. My mother and our two youngest babies joined us, followed by our oldest son. We cried, we laughed, we kissed and hugged and relished in this ceremony of family centered birth. 

I took some time to come back into my body and connect to this tiny soul who had been with me all along. Who was this sweet baby? I told everyone that I was going to look at the sex. “It’s a girl? That is a girl, I thought it was a boy for sure.” Another baby girl to join our family and make things even, two big brother and two baby sisters. 

I was in bliss and completely transcending time and space, but birth was not over and I still needed to release her placenta. I was aware of the time and also didn’t want to rush my body. I tired to get comfortable on the bed but the after pains were so intense and I knew I needed to make my way to the restroom for some privacy. Holding my fresh baby girl in my right arm I squatted over a bowl on the floor. I wrapped my finger around her cord and ever so gently guided her placenta down and out. 

A true undisturbed third stage. 

I made sure to check for trailing membranes and watched my bleeding. Everything was perfect! 

I moved back into bed and marveled at my new baby girl, my gift. “I can’t believe she is girl.” “I can’t believe how fast this was.” 

There was never any time to use anything I had intended to use for birth because it was another precipitous birth.

We checked the time and figured it was anywhere from 12-15 minutes of labor to baby being earth side. I had three surges, the big surge was transition and then baby was descending. 

I’m now 3 weeks into my postpartum period and still in the survival stage, but moving into the thriving stage. We have three babies under four years old and it has been a bit of an adjustment, but nothing we didn’t already expect and mental/emotionally prepare for. I know this is our last baby and I’m trying to process the notion of that. Never being pregnant again, never feeling a baby move inside my womb again, never giving birth again, and never having this newborn bliss again. It’s okay, I will be okay. Pregnancy and birth has been so much of my identity that I will have to find myself outside of my child bearing years. 

Birth is ancestral, it’s an intuitive design so deeply carved into the depths of our being. 

There are times I wish I could go back and free Birth all of my babies, however then I’m reminded of how this Free Birth wouldn’t be what it is if I hadn’t experienced birth in other ways. 

This birth is the completion of birth cycle and my new lineage to pass down to my children. I hope one day my grandchildren and great grandchildren tell the story of the time their grandmother Free Birthed her baby on her bedroom floor. 

Mavi Asher Ellis, you elevate me.

We did it! 

7 pounds, 8 ounces1 9 inches 

Why I chose the name, Mother Wolf.

It all started in 2010, I wanted a giant tattoo of an animal on my arm. Once I read the symbolism behind the wolf I scheduled my tattoo appointment the next day. Three wolves are tattooed on my arm and they symbolize: strong connection with your instincts or intuition, strong family ties, loyalty, good communication, education, understanding, and intelligence.

My own mother left me when I was just 8 years old but before that she was not a good mom anyway. Everything the wolf symbolized I aspired to be.

Over the years I learned more about wolves. Like humans, the wolf mother begins preparing for her young long before they arrive. She may choose another female wolf to help assist her with her pups the first few weeks but in time, the entire pack will support and nurture the puppies.

I also read this in an article a few years ago that as the pups are born, the mother chews off the umbilical cord and licks each pup clean. After all of the pups are born, the wolf mother eats the placenta. This demonstration should be a good reminder to humans that their bodies naturally know what to do when giving birth. The wolf mother is extremely intuitive when it comes to raising her pups. She knows their needs and follows her instincts to provide. The wolf mother is also protective of her young, keeping them in the den until the pups are capable to survive outside of the den. The mother is also extremely unselfish shown by her willingness to remain in the den herself to provide for her young.

When I started dreaming of my business in late 2016 the name Mother Wolf jumped out at me right away. 𝐈𝐭 𝐬𝐲𝐦𝐛𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞- 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐥𝐟 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫. We can all learn a little something from wolves!

Pictured: me with my 3 babies.

Photo by Matriarch Birth Photography